How It All Started (WARNING LONG POST)

I am new to the blogging world. Well for the most part. A LONG time ago I started a blog, but only made a couple posts. However I wanted to have a place to keep my thoughts on a new journey I am starting. I wanted to be able to come back and remind myself about the journey. So let's get started.....

This past summer I was on a Family Mission Trip in the beginning of July (2016). I was busy pulling weeds with my pastor's wife (Shelia) and one of their daughters (who happens to be adopted from China). She and I were talking about life. We got on the subject of marriage and children.  I mentioned to her that I never imagined I would be 33 and single. I always thought I would be married to a Godly Christian man and then start a family and adopt one day..  I said that I wanted to be a mother someday, but didn't know if that would ever happen. We talked for a bit.. about life. I talked about how I view all the kids at church like my kids. Often saying "my children" confusing others I am talking with. Yes those from FBC Columbia reading I love your children to death! I pray for them daily and long for them to know the Lord - and that will not change. I was thankful that God has given me a family close by as well as a church family. I know God has a plan for each of us and is in control.  I knew everything was in His timing. I want to be content with life and continue following what the Lord called me to do.  Sheila and I continued to talk and she asked if I had ever considered adoption. Of course as a married couple! She encouraged me that singles could adopt from China. I pretty much immediately dismissed her... I was single a child deserves both a FATHER and a MOTHER. She talked about the love the children need who live in orphanages and we talked about the true love they will never know about living in China. That is to know Christ and what He has done for them. This broke my heart a little, but I was still set that a child deserves a FAMILY and I was just a mother. I said that one day I would like to go to China and experience an orphanage and the culture (We have several children in the church adopted from China). I thought a trip would help me relate to both the parents and the children. Every summer a group from church goes - however summer is BUSY for a Director of Children's Ministries so timing had never worked for me to go. I put this conversation in the back of my mind and dismissed it.

A few weeks later I was a Children's Camp. I had been texting back and forth with my good friend Shannon (who leads the China trip has 4 children adopted from China, and does a lot to advocate for the children there). A group was in our area with children from China who were being hosted here in the states in hopes of helping them find a family. We were texting about that and one of the orphanage staff was staying at Shannon's. Through that experience an opportunity for a fall trip came about. She asked if I was interested that it would probably be sometime in November. I mentioned to the other counselors that I got this text and that I was thinking about going. Everyone was very much on board. I didn't say yes but promised to pray about it when I got home. The camp we attend has a fountain in the middle of campus and in the fountain is a globe. One evening, (after I promised to pray about a trip to China) some of the kids and I were sitting outside by the fountain. One of the boys looks up at the globe and notices that China was right there in sight from where we were sitting. He mentioned look it is China Miss Jenny, then he went on to say how cool that God has brought so many children to our church from there and asked me if I was going to go there and get a child. WHAT not AGAIN!! I said no - but that maybe later in the year I would travel over there if God opened the door for me to go. How God was working already and I had no clue.

I get home from camp, one week break and right into VBS. As I said earlier summer is crazy busy for me. I love it and I love sharing Christ with the kids and watching them grow in their faith!! Once again our mission offering was for China orphanages (as well as Haiti) - our church helps with orphanages in both countries. As I looked for pictures to show the children and lead them in praying for the children longing for a home over there I began to get excited about going on a trip to China. I wanted to meet the children I had prayed for and seen pictures.

It took a couple more weeks and praying and God opening doors for me to say yes to go on the trip for sure. I knew it would be lots of money to fund-raise to go but would be worth it. I also knew if God said to go that he would provide everything I needed for the trip. This trip was going to be a little different then the trips our church had taken in the past. This was more of an advocacy trip. Yes we would go to the orphanage that our church goes to every summer but would also visit two other cities and orphanages there as well. The team was beginning to be built and we prayed for God to send other team members. Shannon from our church would be leading the trip and Rachel and myself from church would be going along with her. God sent 5 other women also from all across the US to go as well! Shannon, Rachel and I met frequently to pray for the trip and plan. We would have children for 3 days at a hotel - what would we do with them!?! There were lots of unanswered questions and I tried not to worry about logistics. It was hard not really knowing what I was getting into. Rachel and Shannon continued to tell me - Jenny you could handle all the kids you do an awesome job every week at church you got this. :) As time got closer (about a month away) - children were assigned to each of the camps. Shannon prayed and asked others to pray about matching the children with the team members. Some team members preferred girls or boys, some preferred one disability over another. I was pretty open - I just wanted to be a vessel to share love and prayed the kids would see the light of Christ through me. I would come home and share like crazy about the kids I met, I would help them find a family. I had been matched with a little boy in each city. In the first city he was blind but oh so cute!! There were some others that weren't matched as we had extra kids - we decided we would just wait till we got there and match them up. We went and bought clothes and a toy for the kids we were matched with or got others to sponsor the kid.. About the time this was all happening Shannon got a message from an advocate about a little girl who had been waiting a long time.. her file was with another agency but would be soon going back to the shared list and Madison Adoption Agency (trip through them) was going to try and get it. Shannon shared her picture with me - it was love at first sight! Shannon said they were trying to get her added to camp (two of the girls had been matched already so there were a couple spots open). I asked if I could PLEASE have her as well - she was the same age as the little boy and they could play together. I showed her picture to my sister who also thought she was the cutest little thing. Having 3 nephews I get to buy boy stuff but never girl stuff. I was excited to go and get a pink outfit, head bands, hair bows, gloves and hats. Penny was off to buy her some pink pajama's! Then a week or a little more before we were going to be leaving.. she still wasn't on the site or list and Shannon hadn't heard. We began packing supplies a couple weeks before then unpacked, repacked, unpacked, and repacked the Sunday before we were leaving (we left on a Thursday). Trying to get everything to fit and be under 50 pounds was a challenge! Shannon had been asked by this time to add a girl to camp but didn't have details. I said I would take the girl no matter what. I asked her and others to pray that the clothes I had bought and were packed in my suit case would fit this little girl and I would love her just the same. Then days before we were getting ready to leave Shannon got a picture of the little girl ..... yup it was the same picture that captured my heart weeks before! I was thrilled!!!

First 5 days in China were spent in an orphanage in CZ that my church goes to often. I will write about it another time as it pulled at my heart and opened my eyes. My heart began to open as I loved a little boy there and imagined him playing with my nephews. 6 of the 8 on the team had families who had adopted. 1 team member was adopted and has 10 sisters adopted from China as well. 5 moms who had children from China. Many kept telling me Jenny you should adopt. I kept saying NOPE - but someday. Once again little did I know God was writing a love story so His name can be glorified!

The second city was the city of the little girl I already LOVED! I had been praying for her (actually all the kids) for weeks. We had a small tour of the orphanage - when we walked in her room I saw her immediately - she was sitting at a table with several others kids having a snack. I walked right over to her at first she was a little shy, but the nanny took her by the hand and lead her over to the group. I picked her up and she got the biggest smile on her face (Yes it makes me smile as I write this). (I have pictures but have to figure out how to put them on the site) She had braces on her legs (which I knew from pictures) but she was able to walk just fine with them. My other little guy was in this room too - he was a little more hesitant but still as cute as could be. We then left this room and went to see a few others. We then went to a conference room and met the director and several people from the social welfare of the city. We were welcomed and thanked for coming. They had a PowerPoint that was about the orphanage and it's history. (I am so glad I got to see this!) We then had lunch with this group of staff and our group (Which included staff from the adoption agency as well). After lunch we went to a room to meet all the kids we would be hosting. It was a bit chaotic! 16 or 17 kids ages 3 - 12 running around. In this room I played with several but was still drawn to this little girl - Nikki- (this is what the agency called her - also not what I am leaning to name her - that will be announced in another post when I know for sure). Not her Chinese name just a way to identify the children. I also played with the other boy. Nikki drug me off to the side to play with a little doll house (I have video of her playing!). Then we loaded all the kids on the bus and went to the hotel. We had all the kids in a conference room where we gave them candy, played games, with play dough, balloons, danced to music, painted and many other activities. Once again CHAOS!! Fun but CHAOS!! I stuck close to Nikki a lot! She was calm and loved attention looking into your eyes and smiling. I played with the other little boy but he stuck very close to the nannies. I believe not knowing our language, a strange loud room was a bit too much for him. He did like to be tickled and had the cutest little laugh! After a couple hours it was time for the kids to go back. We gathered as a group to try and come up with a game plan for day 2, there were 16 kids and 8 of us. We thought 2 would be fine but hard with the big age gaps between children. So we decided to divide the kids up. The next day we would take the younger ones and go to eat, and to the mall to an indoor play place. Then the following day we would take the older kids to the park and to a restaurant. So, I had 2 kids the following day - so we switched up the kids a bit and Morgan (adopted from China and still speaks the language!!) volunteered to take the little boy as she would be able to communicate with him. She was amazing with him and he adored her. So I had Nikki, the morning started out with a bath - she loved it! However, then trying to get her braces back on correctly :). Followed by changing her outfit to the cute outfit I brought and doing her hair. She LOVED the bow in her hair. the more accessories the better for her! Then we assessed the kids trying to figure out what the could and couldn't do. I was amazed at all the things Nikki could do. Yes she was behind in some areas but did great in other areas. (Plus it is hard to really know as the kids freeze up some - they know why you are asking them to do different skills.) Lets just say the rest of the day was all about me falling more in LOVE with Nikki!! I went into the tunnels with her, held her hand going down the slide, pushed her in a little car, picked her up out of the ball pit and adored her the whole time. Every one kept commenting on how much I loved her and she loved me. I was STILL insistent I wasn't adopting!! But my heart was being swayed just a bit. She sat in my lap as I played with the little boy in the ball pit, just sitting content for me to play with another child. He loved the interaction and giggled and chatted as I threw balls at him lightly. Actually at this time I had all 7 kids in the ball pit with me while the other adults were talking :) - I didn't mind a  bit I was in my element!

We left the mall and went back to the hotel. We fed the kids a snack and then had to put them back on the bus.. let's just say that was VERY hard!! I knew I would see her the next afternoon as we had a party to say goodbye with all 16 kids again but I was still sad to send her off. The next day I paired up with Morgan again each of us taking an older boy who was blind. They were a joy and we had so much fun with them. Morgan was once again a huge help as she could communicate with them! As the day wrapped up I was beginning to feel a headache coming on. (I hadn't had a migraine in months and was afraid I was headed in that direction)  My heart was heavy - just four days prior I had said goodbye to a whole orphanage of children I had fallen in love with. Now once again I was going to have to say goodbye to these boys and Nikki. I was preparing myself to spend the whole next day traveling on a train to the final city as well. Where I knew I would fall in love and once again have to say goodbye. My heart couldn't take it, why had I agreed to come - I needed God's strength. I had to spend time in prayer and scripture asking God to help me complete the task He had called me to do. The bus ride back to the orphanage was hard, I was feeling worse and trying to tell myself I was fine. It was obvious I couldn't hide how I felt because other kept asking if I was ok. We got back to the orphanage and they took us back to the first room where all the kids had been together the first day where is was LOUD and chaotic! I didn't know how I would do it until Nikki came walking through the doors and ran into my arms. I scooped her up and went over to a couch and just sat down with her. She just snuggled in my lap and played with my hair content to just sit still with me. We looked at a few books - I couldn't read them but pointed to pictures. Other kids were running around and I put her down a couple time only for her to lift her arms back up to me. OH MY - my heart was struggling! My head was felling a little better (thanks to Alieve) but I still wasn't feeling great. It was time to have cake with the kids. I did get up and went over to the area. We took pictures with all the kids (I actually never got my phone out on this afternoon - thankfully others shared pictures!) Nikki and I both enjoyed eating cake. Then staff from Madison wanted to get some video of Nikki so they could update her file - all the while teasing me that she was pretty content in my lap. So I encouraged her to walk across the room as they videoed. Which ends with her arms wrapped around my neck in a big hug! Her nannies then came for her (upon which she held on tight and I had to pull her legs from around me and put her down) - HARD!!! However while here a family had been instant messaging me about her and praying - I was hopeful this would be her family. I loved her and she deserved a family and to know love. I held on to the fact that she would find someone I would fight when I got home! After the kids left the entire group was spent. We were tired and emotional! (However this night we were treated to a massage that was amazing that did help) :)

The next city I had an adorable little boy. He was so funny and took my mind off missing a certain little girl. He made the funniest faces and mimicked everything I did. I maybe spoiled him a bit - he refused to walk more then 20 or so steps before he was whining to be picked up - yes I carried him everywhere we walked. He was a light little thing and I didn't mind! Once again a family had seen him on a Facebook group and friended me and was asking questions. It helped as I knew a family was praying about him as well! God was working. I worked to ask the nannies the questions for the family and continued to love on him and have fun! And as just before after 3 days it was time to say goodbye. A little easier this time - after two goodbye your heart is a bit numb. It was also easier knowing this family was pretty serious about him. (I am happy to say they have chosen to go through with his adoption!). I would now be leaving China - headed to a long flight home and a heart that was broken. My mind was filled with questions....

I came home and it was days before Thanksgiving. I am tired, traveling is hard! I had a hard time with the Holiday - it was reverse culture shock. We are so blessed in America and really thankful for trivial things. Facebook annoyed me as people complained about things - yet I had just been with kids who had nothing, yet were happy. We gripe over trivial matters and I was annoyed easily.  I was still chatting with the family as they prayed about Nikki. Praying her family would find her, praying it was a Christian family so she would know about His love. I was pushing hard! Then the next couple weeks it was shown the family was not going to be able to go through with her adoption - they are adopting just not her. The mom kept telling me she thought I was her mommy - why doesn't everyone get it I AM SINGLE!!! Yeah Yeah I know China allows singles to adopt. I had plenty of excuses I don't make enough to raise a kid, adoption costs A TON, what about ..... you name it I had a reason. I began to share with a few people my struggles.. they began to pray. Some even telling me it was meant to be and would have an answer every time I had an excuse or a story about how God provides. Then I began to wake up at night dreaming about this little girl. Throughout the day I would catch myself checking the clock to see what time it was.. and what time it was in China. As I prayed she would come up... as I read Scripture God began to speak.... WHAT I said she deserves a FATHER - He reminded me she needs to know the Father - in China she will never hear the gospel. UGG I can't do this.. (Telling God no doesn't work) - what about work.. So I met with my pastor - we cried together and he asked me to continue to pray but was in full support. Then God  also began to show me His plan through my quiet times. It was almost Christmas and I was studying Luke teaching the kids. First one to hit me in the gut - Zachariah and Elizabeth's - how Zachariah laughed at God and there was a consequence from this when he was told he would be a father. Was I doing the same??? Was God really calling me to be a mother? Could this be His plan?? Then the next week... Mary and Joseph and how they immediately believed.... who are we to be like Zachariah or Mary and Joseph. Ouch this hit hard... I still wasn't sure. However I didn't want to not trust God - I wanted to do what He was asking of me. I begin to share with a few more people and surprised to find most were excited ... I just asked they pray. Many asking when I was finally going to just say yes.  More quiet time about serving God first and who is my master... about Him being the provider of everything.. Ok God I get it I was fill out paperwork... so I did and at first it came back not sure.. so a little bit of research my insurance company and prayer .. but honestly questioning and thinking ok maybe the agency said not yet and I was just to be obedient - I had filled out the paperwork - right?. But my heart knew that wasn't the answer so got more information and sent to the agency and they came back and said yes you qualify. They put her file on hold and asked me to get a medical review. I did some research asked a few people and decided to send her file to University of Minnesota Adoption Clinic. It was a bit costly but I would know everything I was in for. If there were other diagnosis that might have been missed, the therapies they thought she would need and how often. Plus if I said yes - they would be along for the ride and I could contact them at any time with questions. Also - they are available via Skype when I travel to get her, so after praying felt it was worth the money. I waited and waited and it was past time when it should have came back by 24 hours or more and it was a guarantee to be back. So I emailed and immediately got it they had just forgot to hit submit. The review was actually positive. Got the review back on 12/21/16. Waited to share more with my parents at Christmas. Then after Christmas on 12/28/16 filled out all the paperwork. Wrote a "letter on intent" (LOI) got it notarized, wrote a check and mailed it to the agency. I knew they were closed until the following week. Got an email on 1/4/17 they had received my packet and would be assigning a case worker (send another check) :) - Got an email 1/6/17 from caseworker that she had my application and LOI and would in the next day or so be sending it to China and let me know when I received PA (pre-approval). On 1/9/17 I got an email from a social worker to begin the HS (Home Study) process. She said she would mail me a packet of information. Then on 1/12/17 I got the packet in the mail and she also emailed me an autobiography to begin filling out. We had an ice storm here on Friday 1/13/17 - so I worked from home. I was working on some curriculum when I saw I had an email pop up from the case worker. I thought I was going to need to sign something else and send her way. However to my surprise is was notification that my PA came!!! This meant I could now officially share on social media that I am adopting and begin raising funds to help pay for it! I wanted to call several family members first as I hadn't shared with them that I was adopting. I will be back often to write about the journey and ask for you to pray for the process! It seems to all have happened quickly but I know this is God's plan and is in His timing.

PA accomplished next task is to complete the HS - most take about 2 months - I am praying I can get it done in that amount of time as well. Once HS (Home Study) is done I will ask for prayer for the next step. Depending how long each step takes she could be home in about 8 - 10 months could be longer if steps take longer. Praying it is not longer as my arms long for her to be in them, to tell her about the love of Jesus!!